I’m going to be away for a while.

I grew up in Buganda and was quite innocent when someone introduced me to video halls, bibanda.Thus begun a long relationship that only ended when I turned 14.

But I still keep my ear to the ground and when I can’t, a ‘friend’ who owns a video library brings me up to date with the latest addictions to ghetto speak.All his movies are translated and I only go to him when am broke and need some movies  on ‘credit’. .

So through him I learnt the following:

Bidi-Zeal.Hence, tukole nabidi means, ‘let’s work zealously’.

Sada-Weed/Ganja/Marijuana

Nnago-Theft.So okukuba nnago is to steal something.

Digo-Food

Alaali-Without fear;frankly.

Kaasa-1000 Uganda shillings.If you’ve used taxis you must have heard the conductor say “kaasa budo“

Budo-500 Uganda shillings.

Muda-10,000 Uganda shillings

Nnalo!-An expression.The equivalent of “Yeah!” or the Jamaican,rather Patios, “Rah”.

Bbode-Strong;long lasting.In one of the K-series(katorchi,kabiriti,katikitiki, kiboke) adverts, ‘H.E’ Bobi Wine says, “…elianda lya bbode...”

Mazi mawanvu-Loosely translates into  “deep water”.Means that you are a class apart; very important;higher than the offender on the social ladder.

I haven’t seen any blogs on football.At the moment,sex seems to be the most interesting topic to blog about.But since I don’t kiss and tell, and don’t have enough experience in that area to even attempt a syllable in that direction, I’ll stick to safer topics.

Lately,I’ve been very patriotic.It was my new year’s resolution-to find my Ugandan self and build the nation whichever way I can.The latter includes listening to more Ugandan music,watching more of local t.v programmes and following local sports,especially the Football and Rugby Cranes’ progress.I am pleased to inform you/myself  that I know at least 10 players on the football team and about 5 on the ruggas team.

However,I just can’t resist getting sucked up into the madness that’ll descend upon this country,mostly over the weekeds.The Premiership is back.Seeing as am a Liverpool fan,I should be worrying and letting out wistful sighs at the mention of the tournament.We’ve not won the damn cup in 18 years!But there’s hope,there always is hope.Here’s why:

1.Robbie Keane: Man we just bought the guy for 20 mil!He’s not so bad a striker but it’ll take him time to perfect his partnership with El Nino.However,he’s experience upfront will be useful.

2.Fernando “El Nino” Torres Jose Sans:33 goals last season and he’s got to come back better and sharper.He’s partnership with Gerrard worked wonders last season.This season won’t be any different.

3.Luck:We have always been lucky.Remember the famous 6 minutes of madness back in 2005, in Istanbul?Yes,those very ones.3 goals in 6 minutes and Liverpool went on to clinch the Champions league trophy.We were again lucky the following year, when we beat a stubborn Westham side to lift the F.A cup.

4.Daniel Agger: He was out with injury for the better part of last season but now that he’s back, our defense just got beefed up/’pimped’.Jamie Lee Duncan Carragher ought to have a little less on his plate this season.

5.Other reasons:-Yossi Benayoun

-Ryan Babel(Besiktas and Arsenal will never forget him)

-Xabi Alonso(he has quite a number of ‘chipping’ goals to his name)

-Javier Macherano(one of the best holding mid-fielders around)

-David Ngong(I remember Mujib Kasule dismissing him as a no-name.After scoring twice in this first two games,I wonder what Mujib’s saying now)

-Jose Pepe Reina: His penalty-saving heroics have won us 2 trophies so far.He did it again against Standard Leige in the pre-season champions league qualifier.What more could we want?

As for the other haters,that is, Man -U,Chelsea and Arsenal,here’s why you won’t win:

• Manchester United: No significant signings this season, unless Berbatov joins you.The team reached it’s peak last season so we don’t expect anything new.If Berbatov signs for you,there’s going to be a change in playing format and formation.That,my dear friends, will take time to master.The injuries are going hamper any progress.Saha,Ronaldo,Neville and Jin Sun Park-injury prone.
• Chelsea:So you got a new coach and money has also got you the likes Deco(he’s old, ) and may be,later on,Robinho.But you see,Felipe has no experience in the Premiership.He can win World Cups but can he win the Premiership?No, not yet.
• Arsenal: I sympathise.How can a sane enough manager sell off first team, starting players and not replace them? I know better than to pull the kids-no-experience argument(Theo Walcotts impressive run last season is still vivid in my mind) but can Denilson handle that mid-field?

I spent this week listening to mostly Ugandan music.Everything from Mathias Walukaga to Weasel to Navio and Grace Nakimera.I must say, I am impressed.My play list be like this:

1. Anfukula—-Grace Nakimera
2. Salooni—-Navio ft GNL
3. Soda—GNL
4. Soda(rmx)—GNL ft A.Y(Man,GNL is off the hizzy.In his own words”…aya ya ya ya,GNL awomesa o’luganda…”)
5. Ngamba—Moze Radio and Weasel
6. Rafiki—Rocky Giant
7. Oli miss—Can’t quite remember the name
8. Kampala—This is a jazzy hit.I don’t know who sung it.Actually,I’ve only heard it twice, on Fat boy’s Saturday show.
9. Kapya kalyewo(kyekyo!)—Baba Luku(of Bataka squad) ft Vamposs.Do you know Keith Murray’s hit song Candybar?You know, “…she looks like a movie star,like a chocolate candy bar…”.Yeah.Now take out the words, and you got the beat to kyekyo.
10. Village girl—-Valerie(winner of the first tusker project fame) and Maurice(or is it,Morris?) Kirya

Love and blogging has turned out to be a dangerous mix.The only way I can stop myself from blogging about love-related issues is not blogging at all.I think am going to turn to sports or sci-fi;cartoons even!

Besides,maintainng two blogs has becomed harder than I hoped.No,I won’t delete this one.I’ll just have to prioritize…

Mothers.Aren’t they the best thing God ever created?And the wisest too?I took a trip down memory lane today.On my way,I saw myself climb that mango tree,reach out to take the nest as I was after, only to climb down and run to mum.I was 7 then and the reason for my abandoned mission was wasps.Among other things,I can’t figure out how she could tell that I had been licking sugar again.I was careful when I committed the crime,more careful than the previous time.But mum in all her wisdom,always found out.Was I just a little mentally challenged then?Or was I just not smart enough?i wonder…

I finally watched the video of Ragga Dee’s song Ma Ladies.It confirmed what I have been hell bent on not believing:Ragga Dee is versatile and creative.Have you heard that song of his with Dizzy Nuts(Remember him from Fire burn dem, a duet with Bebe Cool)?You know that one in which Ragga Dee’s goes something like “…Ntandika nga kamotoka.King-ngi-ngi-ngi-ngi, nga-nga-nga-nga-nga…”?If you haven’t,you’d better.

Here’s my list of favourites:

1.Empeta

2.Ma Ladies

3.Cissy(I LOVE this one!)

4.Oyagala cash

5.Ndigida

6.Nsaba onyanjule

7.Mbawe

8.Bamusakata(how could I forget this one.We danced to it!And Rasta rob in his hey day.)

On a more sober note,does this guy have kids or at least a girlfriend?

Kati I was just fooling around, that is googling, when I stumbled on this site.It’s got lots of local(Ugandan) music videos.I reckon Rafsanjan Tatya(hope I got the spelling right) is K fm’s Rafshizzle omudizo.He has a blog here!

Television has come a long way.I vividly remember the days when U.T.V was the only local T.V station.Back then,you had to suffer quietly and suppress the occasional urge to smash your set,when the U.T.V guys pulled the curtain on you.Well,I don’t know what else to call 6,possibly more, strips of different colours.Every time I saw it,it reminded me of the rainbow.Come to think of it,that’s why I never had to cram all those formulas our teachers gave us,for the colours of the rainbow!Remember “Richard Okello, Your Girlfriend Betty Is Vomiting”?

Does any one remember Saturday Variety show on U.T.V in the 90s?It was quite something.I wonder what happened to Irene Kulabako.Last I heard of her,she was trying to be Uganda’s Oprah.There was also that ka-drama,Zinunula omunaku, Bibaawo and That’s Life mwattu that kept boredom from raising its ugly head.Sometimes you’d come back from school,to Sergent Kifulugunyu singing Cinderella and gyrating.My favourite video was ‘Wanziba luli,tonzibe leero”.It’s hilarious.Well,not as hilarious as Nurses and Different strokes.Eh, there was also Another life.Eh!I had forgotten to mention that preacher on T.V every Sunday morning!He’s called Charles Angley or something.

“This is the news on U.T.V.Am Bbale Francis.” That was the most boring hour in our lives.Bedtime was 9 p.m and there was this old man reading news!Lucky for us though, it was an unwritten rule to have supper at 8 p.m or there abouts.So we’d give our plates as much attention as possible to drown ki-man’s voice.I loved Beatrice Akello though.Even at that tender age,I knew she was beautiful.Oba what became of her.

Before Daniel Arap Moi(not the erstwhile president of Kenya but a reporter/news anchor with WBS T.V),Jane Joan Ayeko, and the Morris Mugisha’s of this world,there was Toya Kilama(R.I.P).He’s grasp of the English language was second only to Bbale Francis’;never mind his accent.He was,in my opinion, the only professional reporter of the time.

Then there came T.V Africa that brought us the very first T.V soaps,Sunset beach (banange where can I get its DVD or something.I just heard of it from school coz it was aired at 9 p.m-my bed time!) and Wild Rose(I at least watched this one);CTV brought us Westerns/cowboy movies.Finally,Wavah came up with WBS that instantly became the most popular local station.My sister got me hooked to those bu first telenovelas like Maria de Los Angeles.Then she managed to lure me into watching Passions.

Kati there’s NTV which is arguably the best local t.v station. It is,in the words of H.E the President of the Ghetto and Uganja,Bobi Wine, mazi mawanvu.

Fate has a funny way of doing things.Up until recently,I never believed in love but you should see what I’ve become.Writing poems aimlessly just coz I think am falling(or even already fallen) in love.I even wrote this for her!Banange this love thing is driving me nuts!

I read that Csaba wants to leave for the top job at Hearts and I can’t help complaining.We really got to do something about our luck.Every time we are close to making history,something terrible happens.We missed featuring in the last Nations’ cup by just a goal.If only those bu-South Africans hadn’t played us,we’d have been there kicking a**!

Some morning radio shows are simply lousy.I tuned into Capital fm the other day and vowed never to listen to their show again.They are so boring.Who am I kidding?What does one expect from a team of Hakeem( the dream?!) and that other chick who up to now hasn’t realised that her attempts at being funny always back-fire.

Then there’s Roger and Aisha who are,to be very polite, loud.Between them and the ‘breakfast crew’ of Simba fm,there’s little difference.

Melanie reads adverts faster than any presenter I’ve listened to.She’s cool but her co-host does what most Budonians are masters at:boasting.There’s a part of their show called ‘Dear Sanyu breakfast’ where emails from listeners are read and their problems,mostly relationship problems, solved.While Melanie’s favourite solution is “Dump the guy,darling.He doesn’t deserve you” ,Fatboy’s advice is preposterous.

I hate exams!How do they expect me to do like 3 exams in a week and a half’s time.Never mind that said exams are not cheap.When I finished high school,I thought I’d left all this stress behind.Ah!

Ben Kiwanuka street was fast becoming a hotel-street.In a space of nine months,three hotels had opened their doors to customers.The relatively lower prices of accommodation ensured full bookings for all the hotels.On the right as one approached from Hotel Equatoria, was Star Hotel,owned by a son of an erstwhile politician;on the left,separated by a small park and a discotheque,were City Hotel and Hotel 68.

A tourist checked out of City hotel,much to the dismay of the receptionist,who’d been stealing a nap while on duty.When she stepped out, a Louis Vuitton bag in her right hand,she headed to the nearest public toilet,before emerging twenty minutes later without the bag.Her black hair that had previously been tied up in a pony-tail now fell on her back.She’d changed her clothes,from blue denim jeans and a white top, to a crimson dress,that accentuated her figure.

Anna Derevko was the epitome of perfect beauty.At 18,she’d received so many marriage proposals that Yekaterina had been forced to constantly move them from one town to the next.Now at 25,she turned even more heads with her dazzling beauty.She dried her sweaty hand on the crimson dress just before entering the discotheque between the two hotels.It was Anna’s habit to have fun,celebrate and mingle with the locals after every successful mission.Other than the relaxing one’s nerves,it was also camouflage.

ROME:

Luigi Salvatore was a big man in every sense of the word.He was serving his second term in office as the Mayor of Rome.He’d stood as an independent, promising to unite a city that was divided along political lines.Then, the Democratic Party, Partito Democratico, had been poised to yet again win the election.

He was reading the day’s La Gazzetta dello Sport when his middle-aged secretary, Signora Carraro got through to his office.

“Signore Salvatore, you’ve an urgent call from Kampala.The caller wouldn’t leave his name but he insisted on speaking to you and…”

“Put him through!”

“Right away, signore.“

When he  answered the phone,the caller only said, “Richard Cramer is dead.Setting into motion step two of the operation” and hung up.