I grew up in Buganda and was quite innocent when someone introduced me to video halls, bibanda.Thus begun a long relationship that only ended when I turned 14.

But I still keep my ear to the ground and when I can’t, a ‘friend’ who owns a video library brings me up to date with the latest addictions to ghetto speak.All his movies are translated and I only go to him when am broke and need some movies  on ‘credit’. .

So through him I learnt the following:

Bidi-Zeal.Hence, tukole nabidi means, ‘let’s work zealously’.

Sada-Weed/Ganja/Marijuana

Nnago-Theft.So okukuba nnago is to steal something.

Digo-Food

Alaali-Without fear;frankly.

Kaasa-1000 Uganda shillings.If you’ve used taxis you must have heard the conductor say “kaasa budo“

Budo-500 Uganda shillings.

Muda-10,000 Uganda shillings

Nnalo!-An expression.The equivalent of “Yeah!” or the Jamaican,rather Patios, “Rah”.

Bbode-Strong;long lasting.In one of the K-series(katorchi,kabiriti,katikitiki, kiboke) adverts, ‘H.E’ Bobi Wine says, “…elianda lya bbode...”

Mazi mawanvu-Loosely translates into  “deep water”.Means that you are a class apart; very important;higher than the offender on the social ladder.

Television has come a long way.I vividly remember the days when U.T.V was the only local T.V station.Back then,you had to suffer quietly and suppress the occasional urge to smash your set,when the U.T.V guys pulled the curtain on you.Well,I don’t know what else to call 6,possibly more, strips of different colours.Every time I saw it,it reminded me of the rainbow.Come to think of it,that’s why I never had to cram all those formulas our teachers gave us,for the colours of the rainbow!Remember “Richard Okello, Your Girlfriend Betty Is Vomiting”?

Does any one remember Saturday Variety show on U.T.V in the 90s?It was quite something.I wonder what happened to Irene Kulabako.Last I heard of her,she was trying to be Uganda’s Oprah.There was also that ka-drama,Zinunula omunaku, Bibaawo and That’s Life mwattu that kept boredom from raising its ugly head.Sometimes you’d come back from school,to Sergent Kifulugunyu singing Cinderella and gyrating.My favourite video was ‘Wanziba luli,tonzibe leero”.It’s hilarious.Well,not as hilarious as Nurses and Different strokes.Eh, there was also Another life.Eh!I had forgotten to mention that preacher on T.V every Sunday morning!He’s called Charles Angley or something.

“This is the news on U.T.V.Am Bbale Francis.” That was the most boring hour in our lives.Bedtime was 9 p.m and there was this old man reading news!Lucky for us though, it was an unwritten rule to have supper at 8 p.m or there abouts.So we’d give our plates as much attention as possible to drown ki-man’s voice.I loved Beatrice Akello though.Even at that tender age,I knew she was beautiful.Oba what became of her.

Before Daniel Arap Moi(not the erstwhile president of Kenya but a reporter/news anchor with WBS T.V),Jane Joan Ayeko, and the Morris Mugisha’s of this world,there was Toya Kilama(R.I.P).He’s grasp of the English language was second only to Bbale Francis’;never mind his accent.He was,in my opinion, the only professional reporter of the time.

Then there came T.V Africa that brought us the very first T.V soaps,Sunset beach (banange where can I get its DVD or something.I just heard of it from school coz it was aired at 9 p.m-my bed time!) and Wild Rose(I at least watched this one);CTV brought us Westerns/cowboy movies.Finally,Wavah came up with WBS that instantly became the most popular local station.My sister got me hooked to those bu first telenovelas like Maria de Los Angeles.Then she managed to lure me into watching Passions.

Kati there’s NTV which is arguably the best local t.v station. It is,in the words of H.E the President of the Ghetto and Uganja,Bobi Wine, mazi mawanvu.

Thanks to “freedom of speech” we can wake up one morning,after a period of discontent,pour onto the streets,loot whatever we can lay our hands on and when the police arrives with teargas,retreat to the comfort of our hostels/homes.That is a strike for you.

The good thing about them is that I get to buy credit worth,say 5000,at a much lower price.I know some people would love to tell me about ethics and stuff but hey,”T.I.A”(this is Africa-Blood Diamond);so give me break.

The strikes I wouldn’t join though are the hunger strikes.I don’t see the logic behind it!I mean how am I affected if it’s you that’ll sooner than later starve?Actually,come to think of it,it is funny!I saw the Kyambogo University students who claimed to have started one and I could only pity them.The look on their faces!

I want to bet my…backside that all of them ran to the nearest ‘kafunda‘ after that encounter with the police.

Am not sure where Ugandans copied the love of shows from.”Copied” because truth be told,Ugandans have the congenial skill of copying.Hairstyles,fashion and even habits.In my high school days,you had to dress like lil’ Wayne in one his videos to be considered “styled up”.The only thing they haven’t copied I think is their eating habits.Perhaps I should stop using “they” and adopt the more honest “we”.I was talking about shows, wasn’t I?

Recently Kci and Jojo were in town and performed at Katikati restaurant,thanks to Halima Namakula’s No-End Entertainment.Last I heard,over 60% of Ugandans live below the poverty line but when shows like this come to town,people reach deep in their pockets and part with a lot of money(by Uganda’s standards at least).What’s more,we want to be identified as VIPs so we pay for the Gold ticket(120,000 Ug. shs).

The show couldn’t be held on Easter Sunday;the Heaven’s made sure of that.So it was postponed to the following Wednesday and it actually did take place.Now that’s some truth in advertising.

Well,the Ugandan crowd never disappoints.Ask Shaggy,P Square,Montel Jordan,tevin Campbell,Sean Paul,Brick and Lace…the list is endless.They’ve all held shows here and can testify.

Now we will have to sit tight and wait for this guy:

I only hope after this,we won’t blame anyone for misuse of office.

Kazini:
I thought justice in this country was as good as a candle in the wind,but it has redeemed itself.Mbu Kazini had “ghost soldiers” added to the Gov’t payroll and apparently,the dead guys’ money went to his bank account.Now he has to serve a 3 year jail term.

Taxi accidents:
Am not sure how many people die on our roads everyday but i know that some of those accidents can be avoided in ways you may have never imagined.For example,making sure that whoever seats closest to the driver is not a woman.Am serious!I’ve sat in that position many times and whenever the driver shifts gears,his had more than brushes my thigh.Remove me and replace me with a woman and see what happens!